Stay
by MarissaRose
Summary: AU RM - Ryan Atwood had joined the United States Army three weeks ago. Marissa didn't understand why. She just couldn't get it wrapped around her head that he had joined it with dignity. Now she knew the one thing Ryan Atwood wasn't; disrespectful.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- So here is my longer fiction... I know I said it would take me awhile to get it up, but well... here it is anyways. I know a lot of people are going to be like 'oh, this has been written about, I'm sick of them'... think what you want, but you'll never know if you don't read will you? Don't judge a book by it's cover. Anyways, I now that this has been written for, but I swear this is my own plot, and if anyone out there thinks otherwise, I'm just letting you know now, so please, I don't want any emails saying I copied from their work, because I would never ever do that... it's just not me. This whole story was inspired by Katy Perry's song 'Thinking of You.' It's not going to be a song fiction or anything, but it was inspired by it. I don't know if it'll be a happy ending, or how often I'll update this... but knowing me probably quickly. I once had a dream of how this would be my life... and maybe that's because my boyfriend plans to be in the army, but it has affected me since I dreamt it. It made me terrified to even think of letting him go over there. Just hope that you or me will ever have to be put in the position. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this longer fiction. Oh, and just to let you know, I have no freaking clue about the times they spend over there or anything, just guessing.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. But I should mention again that I was inspired by Katy Perry to write the story.**

**Stay.**

Marissa Cooper looked out her window from the small house her and Ryan Atwood had shared only weeks ago. She was lost in a daze ever since he left. There was a great chance that he would be killed, leaving her as a widow; she could barley stand to think of the thought that slipped into her mind very often now. Not that she didn't believe him when he promised he would be back... it just seemed so impossible to her at the moment. All she wanted was to hold him and kiss him... not have him shipped half way across the state.

Ryan Atwood has joined the United States Army three weeks ago. Marissa didn't know why he had to; well she knew why, she just couldn't get it wrapped around her head that he had joined it with dignity. She figured he would have tried to get out of it anyway he possible could to stay with her and the family. Now she knew the one thing Ryan Atwood wasn't; disrespectful. He had taken the news that he had to go fairly well, he was a bit startled, but agreed without hesitation. She cried, he held her... even if it should have been the other way around, Ryan was still there to keep her together. After all, she would be losing her lover for seven months. Seven months that would be hell.

She had received her first letter a day ago. She had been relieved when she seen this hand writing on it. She had friends who had lost their husbands and partners to the war, and she had seen the letters. So if a letter from the U.S Army came, and it wasn't in Ryan's handwriting, she knew what it would be. She shivered at the thought, and looked in from the window. She was wearing one of Ryan's many wife beaters, and holding a small black and white photo of him in his uniform. I wasn't much, it could never really compare to having him here with her, but it would have to do for seven months. Seven very long months.

She wiped the tears from her face that constantly seemed to be lingering there now. She thought one could only have so much tears; she had proven that wrong. She climbed into Ryan's side of the bed and inhaled his scent from his pillow. She didn't dare lay on it, she was scared his smell would eventually fade away. It was all she had left of him... she couldn't let herself take it away. She hugged a blanket around her that faintly smelled like him to her, and looked down at the black and white photo. It was nothing like what he looked like in real life... in the photo he looked so; well she couldn't really explain it. He just didn't look like himself. Maybe it was the fact that his eyes where a light shade of gray instead of the incredible blue they where in real life. His eyes... it just brought more tears to her eyes thinking that she might never be able to see them again.

She tried to push the thoughts in the back of her head and read Ryan's letter to her. She read it about thirty times already and she had only received it yesterday. It read:

_Dear my sweet Marissa,_

_It's been three weeks so far.. and all I can think of is you. I miss you like you wouldn't believe. You're what makes me get up every morning and go out of this tent and fight for our rights. Even then though, I wish I was still home with you, and just laying in bed with you even if I always told you it drove me crazy that you always wanted to just lay... that's my wish now, just to be with you no matter what we're doing together. I hope you miss me too... and I know you could do better then me... and I also know that we left on bad terms, but I just want you to know that I had to do this; for you and me. I know it's not good for our relationship, but it's better if I work, then when we have more mouths to feed like you wished, we'll have more then enough money. That is if you'll still have me after this._

_I have your photo on me at all times, so you'll always be with me, in my heart too. I hope we can look past our present with me leaving you crying on our front porch, but I had to. You had no idea how much it pained me... but I had to. I'm sorry. _

_I love you,_

_Ryan._

It was true, Ryan and her had left in a fight, which was a little part of the reason why she was so upset. What if he died and he thought that she no longer loved him? That was crazy, because Marissa could picture none other to fill Ryan's place. He was her one and only... either way, alive or dead; she would never get completely over him even if he did die. She closed her eyes and pictured his face, and then sighed. She opened her eyes again and went over to his closet. She flung open the curtains and looked at the clothes that had been untouched for three weeks, other then her taking them out. She grabbed one of his pull over cotton shirts and put it on. She pulled it close to her and smelled in the scent. God she missed him terribly. No body could understand what she was going through unless they went through it themselves. It was almost like some sort of little nasty germ was gnawing away at her insides, and slowly taking her apart piece be piece.

She sat down on her little makeup desk, and pulled out a pen and paper. She didn't know how long this letter would take to reach him, but she was not wasting another day not knowing if he was still thinking she was mad at him.

_Dear Ryan,_

_Yes, it's been three weeks... three long weeks for me too. Even though three weeks is a long time, it's only three weeks less you have to spend over there. Ryan, I know we left on bad terms, but not for one minute I want you to think that I don't love you anymore. You're all I want, you're all I need. Don't lose hope, someday we'll be back together forever. It was never about the money, Ryan... you didn't need to do it for that. I know what kind of man you are, and it was never about the money. You put others before yourself, and that's why you're there. You put others happiness over your self's to give them freedom. I admire you for that._

_I carry your photo with me too, at all time. Although it's not the same. In the photo your eyes are a light shade of gray... it can never completely compare to your blue amazing eyes. I know why you had to, and I forgive you for leaving. I understand now... but the reason why I was such a wreck is because I knew there was a possibility of you not making it home. There is still a major chance of you not coming home to me. But if that ever happens, I want you to now that I'll always love you, and you're my one and only._

_I love you too,_

_Marissa._

She placed the pen down and took a match out of a box on the counter top. She placed the paper in an envelope, and lit the match and flicked it onto the candles wick. She waited until the candle was lit for a few minutes, then tilted it for the was to fall on the envelope, to seal it. Just before it was hard, she stamped it with the small wooden handcrafted stamp Ryan and her had bought.

She got up off the chair, and kept the letter on the makeup dresser. She made her way over to Ryan's side of the bed, and lifted his pillow to the other side of the bed, close enough for her to smell his scent. She hugged his pull over closer to her, and climbed into his side. She snuggled into his smell, and soon after fell asleep. She would mail the letter tomorrow.

**A/N - I have the second chapter done already... but I'm not posting it right now. My father is being a total asshole, and I can barley function right without wanting to hit the keyboard to break it. Sorry if you hate it... sorry if you hate me... sorry if you hate all my stories. Because I hate me now too... please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Well when your life is a shit hole like mine, you seem to be stuck on the computer all day long. Anyways I don't have much to say here... but I want to say a special thanks to the people who review for my stories. You make my day... thanks.**

**Stay: Chapter Two.**

Marissa woke up the next day around five o'clock with tears streaming down her face. They seemed to never end. If Ryan could see her now, he would be ashamed to call her his. She snuggled back into the pillows and blankets, hoping maybe that she would be successful and get some more sleep before she had to wake up and start her daily routine.

Her routine was one that never changed... she didn't think she could handle anymore change. She always had the same routine, and when Ryan left, she wished everything to just go back to normal. Her daily routine was the only thing left in her life that had some sort of balance. First she would go to the towns square, and pick up the paper, second she would spend the next few hours at on of the elders places. Third she would head home around six o'clock, then cook super. Then she just fiddled around the house, barley doing anything anymore because there was no one to clean up after, no dishes to wash. God she wished she had a mess to clean up. Cleaning was something that always took her mind off everything... but now that there was no one to clean up after, she had none to clean up. Not that Ryan just left a mess for her to clean up, but they would always make dinner together then clean the dishes... and so on.

She sighed getting up; there was no use trying, she would never get back to sleep. She could barley get to sleep at night, going to sleep in the middle of the morning would be asking a miracle. Even in the Californian heat she felt the cold tingle up her legs as she touched the wooden floor. She pulled Ryan's cotton pull over tighter to her body, trying to get some sort of comfort by pretending he was hugging her. No such luck... it just wasn't the same.

She made her way to the kitchen and looked out the window, it was raining. Raining like God himself mourned for Ryan to return home. It seemed to fit, and she felt satisfied... rain was exactly what she needed to make her mood lighten. It couldn't possibly make her happy, but it made her want to go outside and just stand there, letting the water wash away whatever curse she felt under. The curse that took Ryan away from her, the curse she cried over constantly.

She made her decision and walked quickly back to the small warm bedroom Ryan and she shared. She quickly made sure that she took off any article of clothing that belonged to him so she wouldn't ruin it, then put some of her own on. She wasn't going anywhere to please, so she chose a quick floral dress that was easy to pull over her head. She looked into the bottom of her closet and took out two pink slipper shoes, then slipped them on. She walked over to the makeup dresser, and grabbed the letter she had written to Ryan the night before.

She walked back to the kitchen and looked out the window again. The rain was pounding down, and it had already made puddles; something fun for the children the next day. She made her was over to one of the drawers, and slid it open. She rummaged around for a minute or two, then pulled out a plastic baggy with a pink and blue closing. She slipped the letter into it, and sealed the baggy.

She made her way over to the front door, and thought for a minute if she should put a over coat on... she decided not to, seeing and she would just get it wet. She opened the closet anyways, and leaned into it, and smelt Ryan's coat that his scent still lingered on. She was tempted to pull it out and wrap it around herself, but she knew she couldn't get it wet. She wasn't going to let the rain wash away the only thing she had left of him; his scent.

Marissa opened the front door and stepped out onto the front porch. There was a roof so she didn't get wet yet. She longed to run back into the house, pull on Ryan's jacket and curl up onto his side of the bed; she knew she had to mail this letter though.

She walked to the edge of the porch, and took a breath of air. She stepped into the freezing rain water and shrieked; it was pounding down on her skin hard, and as much as it should have hurt, it felt good. It could be nothing what Ryan was going through, so she didn't mind; she simply let it pound onto her skin, making to red and raw.

She walked painfully slowly to the mailbox where the currier would take it and get it to Ryan overseas. She slipped the baggy into the box, successfully getting it in the box without getting it soaking wet. She just stood there for a minute, looking at the mailbox as if it would somehow bring him back to her. Sadly though, she turned around and headed back up the drive to the house, where she would take a burning shower, then continue her routine.

When she was at the start of their drive, she looked over at the mailbox again. It had a poster with a picture of Uncle Sam, saying "Uncle Sam wants you, to join the U.S Army". Marissa screamed at the top of her lungs and ran to the top of her drive, which was very long, muddy, and full of puddles. She dashed through it all, and ended up in a crying heap of a mess on the front grass. It soaked her clothes even farther, and made her muddy.

She stayed on the ground till the sun was rising, and then finally got up. She was freezing, and it was still raining, even if the sun was out. It was different weather then she had ever seen before. She made her way into the house and when she was in the inside porch, she let went to the closet, opened the door and grabbed the jacket that smelt of Ryan. She put it to her face and continued to cry into it. She let her legs come from underneath her, and she fell onto her wooden floor. Her skin felt raw and cold from the pouring rain water, but she didn't make an attempt to stop her pain; if Ryan was going through it, she could withstand it.

She pushed the jacket hard against her face, and cried; sobbed. She missed Ryan so much… why did the army have to take him away? He belonged with her… and now there might be a chance that he would never come home.

**A/N- Don't have the patience to put a long note here. But whatever, review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N – I was kind of disappointed when I looked and I had no reviews for the second chapter for this story. Anyways, it's not going to stop me from writing it. I got a PM with someone asking me why the title of the story is 'Stay' when it has nothing to do with the story. The answer is that I have the whole thing planed in my head, and it will fit with the story… trust me.**

**Stay: Chapter Three**

It had been three weeks since her episode in the rain. Her skin was still painful in some places, but it only seemed like a far distant memory now. It hadn't stopped raining that day for another five hours; still she stayed in the house and cleaned herself up. She now realized it was out of her line to hate the U.S Army, but she still wished they didn't have to take Ryan away.

She had managed to maintain her normal lifestyle, with difficulty though. All she felt like doing was hiding under the covers of Ryan's side of the bed and mourn about how much she missed him. She didn't though, because she knew that that's not the way Ryan would wish for her to live. Even if she felt like she was dying on the inside maintaining her normal lifestyle, she wanted to say to Ryan when he came home, that she had been fine without him… but she never wanted him to leave again. Only in her dreams would that happen though… because truth be told, she was a crying mess.

Everywhere she went, she had the trouble of keeping herself together. Especially when she went to the seniors. The men there always seemed to know everything about the war, and liked to keep the helpers and each other updated. It almost made Marissa swallow her tongue every time she heard of how many gun shots could be heard. Gun shots that could kill someone if they were in the wrong place at the wrong time… she just wished Ryan would never be in those places. Maybe it was selfish to want other people to take the fall, and not him, but she couldn't help it.

On this particular day she was sitting in the lounge room at the seniors, and talking to some elderly woman that Marissa seemed to become attached to. Since Marissa was only young herself, she was grateful to hear the life changing stories the older woman provided for her entertainment. Even if some of those stories scared her. Her name was Grace, and she was about eighty nine. She was frail and in a wheelchair. She had a kind face and heart, and Marissa didn't think she knew anyone kinder then the old woman.

Grace had been the only one Marissa could talk to since Ryan left, and she was more then half of the reason Marissa kept coming to help here. "Marissa honey, can you tell me about the dance one more time?"

Marissa looked up from the dish she was about to take to the sink and smiled at Grace and all the elders that looked up at her with hopeful eyes. They loved when she told them stories, and of all them she had told them, Grace had like the dance her and Ryan had attended three years ago. She didn't mind telling them countless of times though, because it gave her a chance to go back and remember the times with Ryan that she would never forget, rather then imagine him dying on the battle field. "Of course," was her response.

She sat down the dish, and proceeded to the chair beside Grace. She looked up at the beaming wrinkled face of the older woman, and smiled at her, even if she still couldn't get over the fact that Ryan was gone. "I'm sure you've all heard this story many of times," Marissa said, looking around at the individual faces and giving them each a small smile; it was all she could give them right now. "So, where would you like me to start?"

"From the very begging honey," Grace said without hesitation. She pulled on Marissa's arm and brought her hand into hers. She held onto Marissa's hand firmly, and nodded her head silently telling her to proceed with the story. Marissa sighed and closed her eyes, and thought back of to the day.

_I was three years before we knew anything about the war, and when Ryan would have to go. We were just the normal couple dancing along to the wonderful band that was playing. There was no alcohol at this dance; it was just something for the local couples to attend for some fun._

_We were having fun, lots of fun. It wasn't something that we normally did, but we for some reason decided to go to this. When we got home, we regretted going, but was so glad that we made it out alive, with each other._

_Someone with a cigarette was standing near a stack of hay, seeing as the dance was outside in a barn. When they were done with it they threw it over their shoulder, and then went to dance. They never realized that it hadn't gone out when it touched the ground, and the small bits of hay caught on a flame. Nobody smelt it, or seen it until the whole barn was filled with smoke, and the guests and couples were scrambling to get out. But with the hassle to get out, Ryan and I got separated._

_I was so lost and scared. I didn't have the slightest clue where to go, or to even find a door, but I guess everyone else did, seeing as I was the only one back in the barn while everyone else was outside waiting for the firemen to come. There weren't a lot of people at the dance, so Ryan soon realized I hadn't made it out. The firemen hadn't show up, and Ryan was melting down, and eventually could take it no longer and ran into the burning barn after me._

_When he made it in, after the constant pleas of the people outside to wait till the firemen got there, he made it in the burning barn. The place was filled with dark looming smoke, and it made his eyes water. Still he proceeded on after me. I was somewhere in the back when he reached me. I was wearing a very light pink dress, and it soot black. At least I had the brains to breath through my sweater I had brought. He wasted no time, and scooped me up running to the open door, that I wondered how I missed it._

_We got to the open door and heard a huge crack. It was a life shattering crack, and it scared me out of my mind, and I-_

"So that's when the handsome young man saved you, right Marissa honey?" Grace interrupted her, and she laughed at it.

"Yes, Grace… I suppose that's what happened. I'm sorry, but look at the time," Marissa said, looking at the clock on the wall. It was over an hour more then she should have been here, "But I need to head home, and cook supper for myself."

"Oh but honey, I want to hear the rest, please will you stay for awhile longer?" Grace pleaded with her. She loved this woman, but sometimes she was a little too upbeat for her likings. But as she looked into the kind aging eyes, she couldn't argue with them.

"Okay Grace, I'll finish the story, but then I have to go, okay? I'll be back tomorrow."

"Thank you honey, go on with the story."

Marissa did what she was told and thought back to the night again where she had left off.

_The crack was a life shattering crack, and I knew what was happening; the roof was collapsing. I put my head in the crook of Ryan's neck, waiting to die. But we never did. I felt a huge thud as I hit the ground hard right outside the barn. It was true to the crack and the roof soon came off and fell into the burning barn._

_We stayed on the ground for what seemed like forever, until the firemen showed up and told us to get back. It was like a magical moment; like fate was on our side. _

"And that's how Ryan saved my life; one time." Marissa finished getting up and bending over to hug the older woman the still clung onto the hand.

"Thank you honey, I always love hearing your stories, it brightens my day. Will you be back tomorrow?" Grace asked Marissa, still hugging her.

She smiled, it felt nice having someone look out for her and care, and that wasn't half way across the state. "Of course Grace, and I'll tell you all another story."

She let go of Marissa, and gave her a toothy grin, "I'll be waiting!"

Marissa laughed at her cheerfulness. She wished she could be like that too, so cheerful. She knew that it would never happen until Ryan came home, but she could always hope.

--

On her way up the drive, she heard her name being said, and she turned around. "Mrs. Atwood?" It wasn't her real name, seeing as her and Ryan weren't actually wedded, but she still loved the sound of it when someone called her that.

She was met with a man in a uniform. He looked stern, yet had a friendly sparkle in his eye. She realized he was from the U.S Army, and she held her breath, "Yes?"

"Your husband, Ryan Atwood had been severely injured in action."

**A/N- Sorry, wasn't planning on leaving it as a cliffy, but since I have school tomorrow, and it's late, I got to head to bed. Anyways, I'll post maybe tomorrow. Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N – So here is your chapter four. I have no idea where this is going to go at the moment, all I know is how I'm going to end it. The drama in the middle is basically what comes to me at the time. If you would like to give me your opinion, PM, email, or review for this story. I'm in a bad mood, so this is probably going to go where no one wants it to.**

**Stay: Chapter Four.**

_Your husband, Ryan Atwood, had been severely injured in action._

Marissa couldn't function. It had only been a little over six weeks, and Ryan had managed to get injured. Her body trembled, and she closed her eyes allowing the man in uniform to see her tears. Her knees buckled, and somehow she caught herself and looked at the man in uniform. She grinded her teeth together and bit her tongue trying not to lash out at him. He did nothing to her; he told her something that she would want to know, still she felt like someone hurting as much as she did. She wanted to take all the hurt away from Ryan. It pained her to think he was halfway across the state hanging on to life only by a thread, while she was at their home together perfectly fine. Physically fine anyway.

She closed her eyes and breathed in, in an attempted to calm herself. Her tears were still flowing but she didn't make any move to brush them away. She was allowed to cry in front of a man at a time like this, she didn't care. She forgot all the lessons her mother had taught her a little child, and widened her eyes, ready to lash out. She, though, decided that he would be useful, and she didn't think that he would like her yelling at him for something that was not under his control. "When can I see him?" She asked in a shaky tone. Her voice was ready to crack.

"You can't. We're not allowed to bring anyone into the warzone, and he's in critical condition. We're not taking the chance to move him."

Marissa was seeing red at this point. He was her boyfriend, her love, _hers_! This man had no right to take it away from her. The damned war had no right to take him away. She wanted to yell, scream, hit, punch, kick… but she knew that would get her no where.

"But Mrs. Atwood, we will keep you updated. This, I suppose, is a letter he had written for you," the man said, passing her a letter. She nodded her head, and he took his uniform cap off, and bowed his own head. He then walked down the drive, and headed out on the streets. Marissa wasn't watching him though; she was starring at the sealed letter. It was addressed to Mrs. Ryan Atwood. They had to pretend they were married for them to be able to live in the house together. They didn't mind.

She made her way up the drive, and up the outside porch stairs, then in the front door. She went into the kitchen, and dropped the letter on the table. She looked at it for some good long time, and then closed her eyes. Tears were close to her, but she didn't let them fall. She had to be stronger then that.

She took a deep breath, and it ended up sounding more like I sigh. Her feet carried her to the bathroom, but it was like she was just standing there and never moved. She couldn't comprehend anything anymore. It was getting frustrating.

Again, her mind was working, and she wasn't comprehending, and she stripping off her articles of clothing, and turned on the shower knob. She jumped in, and the water was just right. She let out a sigh, and washed her body and hair, even managing to rub her face clean of the tearstains. She smiled when she thought of Ryan's strong arms pulling her into him when she was half way done her shower. Then her smiled dropped as fast as it had come. There were no strong arms, and there was no Ryan.

Her teeth clenched, and her knuckles whitened from the fist grip she had them in. She closed her eyes and breathed in deep. Her hand moved, and she turned the shower knob to as hot as it would go. The water burned her skin, and she was satisfied. Her teeth clicked together as if she was cold. She stood there for a good long time, and let the burning water scorch her raw skin.

--

She slowly made her way out to the kitchen, wrapped in a towel, and her hair still running full of water. She stopped walking in the middle of the floor, and looked at the still sealed letter she had gotten from the man in the uniform, that was from Ryan. She locked her jaw, and picked the letter up.

Her hands went to open the letter, but then stopped, and placed it down on the table again. She didn't want to open it. She couldn't open it. She knew it would all be the same things, saying how much he loved her and everything like that. She couldn't take that right now. She wanted to hurt. She wanted to feel the pain he was going through. Reading his letter to her would only take some of the away.

She looked down at her red, raw, paining skin, and back at the letter. She didn't know where it came from, and she knew it would probably come back to bite her in the ass, but she knew what she had to do.

**A/N – Sorry it took some time for this chapter. And it was very short… but I will make up for it next chapter, because it will be a lot more to explain. Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter, and please review.**


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